Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
