Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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