Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
