You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
