i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
