Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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