I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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