If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
