you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
