Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize