Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
