just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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