I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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