let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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