from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
