I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
pray to the hookup gods
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
