i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
