My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
