College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
