Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
