Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
