There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
