Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
