one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
