you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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