So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Randomize
