Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
