His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
