fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
