i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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