As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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