You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Hippo gnu deer
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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