I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
