you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
