but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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