Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize