You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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