Grow some girl-balls and come out already
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
