he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
