Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
