It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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