i think i have two assholes
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
