This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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