If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize