Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
