I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
