I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Randomize
