Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Operation Purity has been aborted
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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