I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
