So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
