Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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