I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
