Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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