You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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