He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
