once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
please don't ironically join a cult
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