Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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