he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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