TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
