Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
