booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
