Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
