I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
