he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
being pregnant is like rehab
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Randomize