He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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